new feature: a look back via Livejournal
April 7th, 2003 11:19 am
mood: peaceful
music: Azure Ray - November
You kissed my forehead, and told me I was beautiful.
so good morning to me yet again. this week i vow to take care to notice all the small beautiful things in life. i promise i will stop and notice the way the clouds move across the blue and the way spring smells while it is just around the corner. i will cherish every second and every minute and every hour i am here and at the end of the day i will take some time for quiet-me and just think and meditate and be.
i need to stop procrastinating and putting the smallest things off until theydisappear seem to disappear and just get them done. i love my room and it is cluttered and messied and the floor is no longer carpet, but clothes. i have 3 papers due. i have friends to catch up with and a life to live. but yet day after day i sleep in until noon and hide under my covers until anything i don't particularly like passes.
i don't like sean in that more-than-a-friend way. there is no spark, no goosebumps. after the nervousness of new wore off, there was nothing left there but a great guy who makes me laugh. but he doesn't make me giggle. he makes me smile, but not blush. i like to feel the butterflies, and no, i can't still feel them.
so once again i sleep alone and that is okay. i like me. and i know someone out there will too. and that boy will give me the goosebumps and i will be silly in love.
remember chasing amy the movie? i do.
Holden: "I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are."
i love that. don't you? so now i am going to make my floor carpet again, my closet shelved, and my desk workable. then i am going to go to the gym and spend my evening composing a paper that i will somehow become excited about.
today is another day and i am here. and i love me and you and life. byebye.
i need to stop procrastinating and putting the smallest things off until they
i don't like sean in that more-than-a-friend way. there is no spark, no goosebumps. after the nervousness of new wore off, there was nothing left there but a great guy who makes me laugh. but he doesn't make me giggle. he makes me smile, but not blush. i like to feel the butterflies, and no, i can't still feel them.
so once again i sleep alone and that is okay. i like me. and i know someone out there will too. and that boy will give me the goosebumps and i will be silly in love.
remember chasing amy the movie? i do.
Holden: "I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are."
i love that. don't you? so now i am going to make my floor carpet again, my closet shelved, and my desk workable. then i am going to go to the gym and spend my evening composing a paper that i will somehow become excited about.
today is another day and i am here. and i love me and you and life. byebye.
{the pink house we moved into summer of 2004}
April 7th, 2004 1:42 am
sometimes the biggest wake up call comes as a good night call.
sad. but i understand now.
you cannot put the circle peg in the square hole. i mean, if i worked super hard to manipulate the shape, and change the square to a circle, or vice versa, there would be a match. but no one should change to suit someone else. ever.
and funny, i feel like i can finally get some sleep.
April 7th, 2005 9:06 am
i am excited for this week. last night's show was amazing. i love seven generations so much. every single time i see them i just walk on clouds for the next week or so. gather was awesome too. it was so nice to see everyone, chris and randy especially. hank did well last night too, they sounded great. he leaves wednesday for a two-week west coast tour (the as i lay dying one i mentioned in a few entries), and i am so excited for him. everyone i know keeps asking me if i will be okay with him gone, but come on, it's only two weeks. we already do the long distance thing anyway, so it is not a big thing. this summer though, when he is gone for months at a time it will be a little harder, but i'll definitely be okay. it's just hard when someone is your other half, as he is to me- knowing i can't just drive up and stay with him is sad, but at the same time he is doing one of the things that makes him happiest in life. when you truly love someone, that happiness for their happiness wins over everything. which it does. i just can't wait until two weeks is up and i get to see him.
wednesday is bane, with honor, and comeback kid. at the risk of sounding completely idiotic, i really cannot stop talking, thinking, dreaming, etc. about this show. i have been looking forward to it for so long and it's in three days. threeee days!! i have off the entire day.
now i am going to head to the gym. i have not worked out since last wednesday, which is the longest period of time i haven't been to the gym in years. i was in prescott all weekend having fun with hank so i don't feel too bad about it, but i really am excited to just run and run on that treadmill. i work all night, which i am not looking foward to, but i am determined to be positive about it.
ps. vegan bagels and tofutti cream cheese is my current favorite food.
sad. but i understand now.
you cannot put the circle peg in the square hole. i mean, if i worked super hard to manipulate the shape, and change the square to a circle, or vice versa, there would be a match. but no one should change to suit someone else. ever.
and funny, i feel like i can finally get some sleep.
April 7th, 2005 9:06 am
i am excited for this week. last night's show was amazing. i love seven generations so much. every single time i see them i just walk on clouds for the next week or so. gather was awesome too. it was so nice to see everyone, chris and randy especially. hank did well last night too, they sounded great. he leaves wednesday for a two-week west coast tour (the as i lay dying one i mentioned in a few entries), and i am so excited for him. everyone i know keeps asking me if i will be okay with him gone, but come on, it's only two weeks. we already do the long distance thing anyway, so it is not a big thing. this summer though, when he is gone for months at a time it will be a little harder, but i'll definitely be okay. it's just hard when someone is your other half, as he is to me- knowing i can't just drive up and stay with him is sad, but at the same time he is doing one of the things that makes him happiest in life. when you truly love someone, that happiness for their happiness wins over everything. which it does. i just can't wait until two weeks is up and i get to see him.
wednesday is bane, with honor, and comeback kid. at the risk of sounding completely idiotic, i really cannot stop talking, thinking, dreaming, etc. about this show. i have been looking forward to it for so long and it's in three days. threeee days!! i have off the entire day.
now i am going to head to the gym. i have not worked out since last wednesday, which is the longest period of time i haven't been to the gym in years. i was in prescott all weekend having fun with hank so i don't feel too bad about it, but i really am excited to just run and run on that treadmill. i work all night, which i am not looking foward to, but i am determined to be positive about it.
ps. vegan bagels and tofutti cream cheese is my current favorite food.
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